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Archive for September, 2011

sheep ramblings

I just need to ramble because my heart is full…

“Who is a rock, except our God?” Psalm 18:31. Is it a bad thing to discover that God is the only solid thing in my life? The only sure, steadfast, dependable, trustworthy, safe thing? It’s a hard thing when expectations fail and idols crash, and when my heart fails me (verse somewhere?). No teaching, no teacher, no friend, no job, no situation, no amount of $$ in my bank account is sure. None of that can keep me safe, so none of it can give me my identity either. It is all sandy footing.

Another favorite of the morning: “The Lord is my portion. I promise to keep your words.” -Psalm 119:57… Due to a very bad earache I only stayed at church about 20 minutes today. It’s only bad if I have to talk or smile much. When a well-meaning elder hugged me and mashed my ear against his should and the pain was almost nauseating, I knew I had to get out of there quick before someone else cornered me! Ha… Anyways. Psalm 119:57. I spent part of my morning at home with God flipping through past journals. They are my omers-of-manna; the places where I’ve recorded the words of life God has fed me with over the years. I felt a strong need to know what HE says. Not a preacher or any person with an opinion or experience. What truth has he told me before? What promises can I keep and stand on? Flipping through the journals and the Bible I found some of those. Familiar and new promises. My roommate Chelsea provided a freeing thought after I was struggling with some false condemnation. We discussed Psalm 18:23, which says “I was blameless before him, and I kept myself from my guilt.” Basically she said where I am is ok. It’s enough for God. I don’t have to condemn myself for not being somewhere else. What I’m seeing this morning is that God is really big, and his words are true and his love is fierce. It’s all about him. I’m not seeing the same pressure to do my faith in a certain way to get the right results that I’m hearing from people. “He goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.” I’ve always read that and taken on the burden of trying to make sure I know his voice. But that verse should be freeing! He is going before me! I don’t have to figure out where and how to go. A good shepherd knows how to lead, knows how to make is voice heard, knows how to make his sheep secure in his care. I’ll follow because I DO know him and his voice. I have known him.

It’s amazing how I desire revelations for people that I have not fully received yet myself. God showed me something about his heart while I was teaching the art lesson with the kids monday morning. I was having them do an assessment where they were copying little designs which got progressively more complicated. They felt some pressure to do it “right” I guess, even though I assured them whatever they could do was great and just to do as much as they could. I realized sitting watching them that it’s way more important that they know I’m pleased with them and that they have confidence than them doing the silly little assignment “right”. Way way way more important. They think the work is so important, but I think they are so important. And I want them to know. I hope they will learn stuff, too, and grow. But I don’t really expect 5-8 year olds to do anything perfectly. I’m not disappointed when I say “an ellipse is a curved line” and Remmy draws it with straight sides and severely lopsided. I’m just glad he’s there with me and he wants to try. I know it takes time to learn that kind of thing.

Last night I painted a watercolor of an orange motorcycle- a visual reminder of a couple prophetic words given to a friend of mine. My way of agreeing and praying and inspiring agreement and remembrance.  It is a delightful privilege to be a witness and small participant in what God is doing and telling people about themselves and Himself.

Who is a rock except our God? The Lord is my portion, I promise to keep His words. He goes ahead of me and I know his voice.

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