“Who is a rock, except our God?” Psalm 18:31. Is it a bad thing to discover that God is the only solid thing in my life? The only sure, steadfast, dependable, trustworthy, safe thing? It’s a hard thing when expectations fail and idols crash, and when my heart fails me (verse somewhere?). No teaching, no teacher, no friend, no job, no situation, no amount of $$ in my bank account is sure. None of that can keep me safe, so none of it can give me my identity either. It is all sandy footing.

Another favorite of the morning: “The Lord is my portion. I promise to keep your words.” -Psalm 119:57… Due to a very bad earache I only stayed at church about 20 minutes today. It’s only bad if I have to talk or smile much. When a well-meaning elder hugged me and mashed my ear against his should and the pain was almost nauseating, I knew I had to get out of there quick before someone else cornered me! Ha… Anyways. Psalm 119:57. I spent part of my morning at home with God flipping through past journals. They are my omers-of-manna; the places where I’ve recorded the words of life God has fed me with over the years. I felt a strong need to know what HE says. Not a preacher or any person with an opinion or experience. What truth has he told me before? What promises can I keep and stand on? Flipping through the journals and the Bible I found some of those. Familiar and new promises. My roommate Chelsea provided a freeing thought after I was struggling with some false condemnation. We discussed Psalm 18:23, which says “I was blameless before him, and I kept myself from my guilt.” Basically she said where I am is ok. It’s enough for God. I don’t have to condemn myself for not being somewhere else. What I’m seeing this morning is that God is really big, and his words are true and his love is fierce. It’s all about him. I’m not seeing the same pressure to do my faith in a certain way to get the right results that I’m hearing from people. “He goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.” I’ve always read that and taken on the burden of trying to make sure I know his voice. But that verse should be freeing! He is going before me! I don’t have to figure out where and how to go. A good shepherd knows how to lead, knows how to make is voice heard, knows how to make his sheep secure in his care. I’ll follow because I DO know him and his voice. I have known him.

It’s amazing how I desire revelations for people that I have not fully received yet myself. God showed me something about his heart while I was teaching the art lesson with the kids monday morning. I was having them do an assessment where they were copying little designs which got progressively more complicated. They felt some pressure to do it “right” I guess, even though I assured them whatever they could do was great and just to do as much as they could. I realized sitting watching them that it’s way more important that they know I’m pleased with them and that they have confidence than them doing the silly little assignment “right”. Way way way more important. They think the work is so important, but I think they are so important. And I want them to know. I hope they will learn stuff, too, and grow. But I don’t really expect 5-8 year olds to do anything perfectly. I’m not disappointed when I say “an ellipse is a curved line” and Remmy draws it with straight sides and severely lopsided. I’m just glad he’s there with me and he wants to try. I know it takes time to learn that kind of thing.

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Last night I painted a watercolor of an orange motorcycle- a visual reminder of a couple prophetic words given to a friend of mine. My way of agreeing and praying and inspiring agreement and remembrance.  It is a delightful privilege to be a witness and small participant in what God is doing and telling people about themselves and Himself.

Who is a rock except our God? The Lord is my portion, I promise to keep His words. He goes ahead of me and I know his voice.

Next up (actually 1st chronologically) I continued my tradition of festive waffles in honor of the day and my father’s service in the Air Force for 20 years. He was deployed to Uzbekistan the first year I did this.

I used this picture which I took of my roommate, Sarah, recently to experiment with some different photoshop editing effects.

The original image with only a touch of basic editing.

I love the story telling capacity of photographs. Every element in the composition and every design decision has a part to play. That includes lighting effects and filters and color blending manipulated on the computer long after the photo shoot is concluded.

Favorite, anyone?

This last one was my favorite. Things I learned from this shoot: 1)Natural faces are best.  2)Dynamic angles create interesting images. 3)Watch for little distractions. 4)I want a lens with larger aperture!

I’m looking forward to my next shoot! Any takers before I become famous and unaffordable? Really though, I am looking for subjects!

I want to create unusual or impossible juxtapositions in order to engage the viewer and send a message. These will be parables of truth, encouragement, teaching or warning.

I want to celebrate the beauty that I am privileged to see, especially as it relates to God’s glory and to the diversity of cultural expression.

My painting is in itself celebration and worship of the God who is the Creator and created me to create.

Quick update: I am working leading painting sessions at a place called Sips ‘N Strokes north of Nashville. I still feel very much in transition. I’m looking for ways to focus my life outside of myself.

As of six days ago, I live in Nashville, Tennessee. Most people who hear this assume I got a job before coming. Nope! I am job searching. Does this define me? It kind of feels like it right now. I “know” it does not…. Actually since writing that a couple days ago I’ve found two part time jobs to hold me over until I can find something better.

The last 3 months since being back have been such a variety of things I’m not sure where to begin! Emotional. Restful. Full of travel within the country. Random. Difficult in ways, but very very blessed. That’s what I want to talk about. I can see the Lord’s provision for every need over the last 3 months, and his gracious provision for me right now. I even consider the struggles he has allowed to be gracious. The “honeymoon”-like excitement at moving to Nashville is wearing off and my life seems kind of directionless and vast and potentially lonely. I feel like I should have a definite passion and career goal, but I don’t particularly…  I believe what God has said about struggles (that they’re for my good, that they refine my faith, that they lead to hope and joy and maturity, that I am never alone in them, that they are actually necessary for me to commune with Jesus). I can look back to see what he has done historically, and know that he will continue to be faithful and provide. Firstly, he has provided for me spiritually, bringing words of Truth and encouragement spoken by my precious brothers and sisters in Christ when I have desperately needed it. I’m especially grateful for my sisters, Nathanael Fatula, Nancy Oliver, the Rosses, a random girl named Marissa than came up and hugged me in a parking lot, etc. The Lord has continued to ground me and bring me back to the anchor of the Bible, the gospel, the core of who He is and what my faith in Him means. This has come through a couple books, some great sermons I’ve downloaded, and the Bible…  My sister had on her facebook page recently, “I don’t know. But I know the ONE who does.”

I praise God for some details of my situation that are small maybe, but blessings: There is free coffee that’s actually decent at the leasing office of the apartments I’m staying at. I have a very nice and cheap (to me) place to stay temporarily. I have a sweet temporary roommate, and she has a sweet dog and cat to keep me company while I’m here alone. I found temporary/part-time jobs quickly. There’s a nice gym at these apartments, which is especially great for me, because I can’t just go jogging for exercise like most people because of a retarded hip and hip surgery a while back. I have several friends in the city, which makes a HUGE difference in being new to a big city. Nashville has gorgeous green rolling hills popping up all over, which is food for my soul.

God has provided, is providing, and will continue gloriously. I’m grateful that he wants his own glory and intimacy with enough to not just let me be comfortable and unchallenged. That said, I appreciate your prayers.

As this blog is called “Bethany in transit” and I am still in transit (and will be in a way for the rest of my life) I will continue posting on this blog occasionally. I have a few catch up posts to do from Togo, mostly pictures, so you can look for those in the next few days. Thank you to all who have followed this blog during my year in Togo for your prayers, comments, and encouragement.